Tag: life

New City, New Energy: Decentering the Grind

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Living on the East Coast, right by Washington, D.C., I’ve grown up with the grind in mind. The messages to work hard and manifest the “American Dream” have been ingrained in me since I set foot in this country as a young girl. It worked for me. Working hard in school and in building my career opened so many doors for me and allowed me opportunities to experience life in ways I never would have imagined had I stayed in the Philippines. I’ve been fortunate enough to travel the world through work, but I reached a point in my life where I wanted to experience life on my own terms. I wanted to see the world without having to worry about “delivering value” to my clients. I enjoyed that time in my life, but now, I want to experience a city with no strings attached. I’ve been able to do that, and with each new city I’ve visited recently, I’ve felt a new energy, and it’s brought out a different side of me.

Key West

If there’s one place that’s close to my heart and that I’ve visited on many occasions, it’s the Conch Republic. I start here because it’s the place where I feel most myself. In D.C., especially in the careers and organizations I’ve found myself in, there’s certainly an expected uniform of sorts– blue, pressed and fitted suits and beige blouses and button-ups. I imagine it’s intended to convey a sense of professionalism and seriousness. There’s a sense of conformity because deviating too far from the norm may raise eyebrows and pose risks. In Key West, I shed that uniform and wear bright bikinis and crop tops. There’s no judgement anywhere because everyone is wearing or not wearing whatever they feel most comfortable in. There isn’t that pressure to be modest or moral in fear of judgment that’s clearly present around the DC area. In Key West, I ride around to piers, by beaches, and quaint little shops on a bicycle– just a basic bicycle, not even an electric-powered one to get to places faster or one with gears to prove how athletic I am (which I’m not). It’s about cruisin’ and enjoying the breeze, feeling the sun on my skin rather than worrying about whether I’m properly protecting myself from it or aging faster as a result of it. I can let go; I can just be. That’s probably the Aquarius rising in me.

Amsterdam

I’m still a Capricorn sun, though. Amsterdam brings out the intellectual and curious side of me, the free thinker who enjoys a deep conversation about life at a corner cafe with a sammie. In Amsterdam, I feel more liberated mentally. I can question life, meaning, purpose, and others are naturally doing the same. Back at home, there’s this path through college, a respectable career, marriage, owning a home, having kids, and being prepared for retirement. Amsterdam allows me to challenge the assumption that there’s only one definition of success or one path to happiness. At the same time, there’s also order. Something about all the bikes whizzing by in a certain flow. I feel stable in the structure without feeling restricted.

Paris

This is a city that feels like love to me. Not the kind you find after kissing a bunch of frogs on dating apps to finally meet someone you can live the life mentioned above with. Paris feels like romance. It brings out the part of me that can savor each morsel of my food, live in the moment, and speak a language that drips with sexiness. In Paris, I feel like my most feminine self. My eyes flutter differently, and my eye contact comfortably lingers longer. I can speak with my body, whereas back home I have to be careful not to send the wrong signals. In Paris, I’m not afraid to feel good and exude that. 

Dublin

This city is just fun. The pubs had me feeling like Rose dancing freely with Jack in dizzying circles as they chugged big beers on the Titanic. Drinking is both stigmatized and societally expected back home. In Dublin, it’s just a given and a reward. People work hard and go through so much, so each afternoon opens the door to a celebration with other people who just want to sing and dance freely at a random bar. Then, you wake up to a proper English breakfast, followed by many meals made of potatoes.

Montreal

Lastly, and most recently, I visited Montreal. It kind of brought elements of each of these cities together. I got to practice my French in pubs while wandering around, appreciating the architecture. The buildings were beautiful, both classic and modern, perfectly juxtaposed by one another. The people were kind and didn’t judge when I had no idea what they were saying after we exchanged bonjour. Each day, I wore long flowing dresses and walked miles and miles (or kilometers?) without being set on a final destination. Then, when my feet were sore, there was a boat ride that offered a view of the skyline and life on the water. It was the perfect balance of so many things and, in being so, centered me.

There’s certainly more to these cities than what I’ve described, but in my recent trips, these are the elements they’ve brought out in me. What’s nice is that through these adventures, I didn’t once have to think about my to-do list, a deliverable, or action item. I ventured out to discover a new city each time, but came back having found a different part of me.

Where have you ventured to lately and what side of you did it bring out?

Ritualizing and Romanticising My Life

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It can be hard to get up in the morning. It can also be pretty challenging to stay asleep at night. I’ve shifted from a high-stress, demanding job to a slower-paced, deeper career, then to not having that at all. Despite my work-life balance or lack thereof, transitioning from sleep to wake and vice versa has always been challenging. To help ease the transitions between the day and night, I’ve begun to ritualize and romanticize each pivotal shift in energy that makes up waking and sleeping life. It’s truly helped a ton!

Morning Ritual

I make an effort not to open emails and social media first thing in the morning. I like to reflect on my dreams, at least the ones I can remember, and listen to my own voice rather than flooding my mind with whatever is going on in the outside world via my cell phone.

Instead of getting up immediately, I allow myself to lie in bed for a few minutes and in some cases, a few hours, upon waking. Why rush? My bed is so comfortable and I melt in it so in order to get me up, I turn on some music. This is a ritual that started in Abu Dhabi when I would listen to the same song every morning: Jenevieve’s Baby Powder, if you’re curious. It became Jack Harlow’s Loving On Me and then George Michael’s Father Figure. It changes every few weeks. That gets me into the shower and moving my body.

Getting ready used to take me an hour flat. Since I’ve adopted a more relaxed life, it’s now extended to an hour and a half or two hours. I put on my YouTube podcasts and slowly put on my make-up. This is where the romanticizing begins. It’s like I’m a French girl in front of her vanity mirror or a Geisha putting on her face and styling her hair in the morning. I take my time and enjoy little pleasures like an eye mask while I do my lashes and a guasha face massage as I moisturize my skin. Once I’ve blow dried and straightened my hair, I complete my morning ritual by slathering on my favorite scented body lotion, spritzing some perfume, and choosing an outfit that makes me feel good while reflecting my mood for the day. Being able to go through this routine every morning, while drinking my sugar-free Red Bull gets my day started just right.

Afternoon Ritual

The next daily ritual is lunch. I love a good meal so this is something I look forward to each day. I make a point to get out of the house and eat at one of my favorite local community spots. If I have the time, I venture out further for a specific dish I’m craving, like a banh mi from the best Vietnamese shop in Falls Church. This is another time when I can put on podcasts, blogs, or an audio book for my drive. These often inspire me to live and work in better ways, I learn a whole lot about a breadth of topics, and I’m able to think more creatively and innovatively because of the content I’m exposed to during these sessions.

To romanticize this, I eat slowly and savor every bite. I often enjoy dining with just myself because I can people watch and also be with my own thoughts. 

There are some days when I make a meal in my own kitchen and enjoy it by the window, looking out into the trees and sky. This is enjoyable too so I like to alternate and choose how I’d like to spend this time based on how I’m feeling that day.

I try to eat nutritiously, but often I make indulgent choices. The latter usually puts me in a bit of a food coma so work life is a bit slower in the afternoon. I try to knock out the easy stuff like answering emails, preparing presentations, or listening to webinars or online courses. If I had honored my morning ritual, I would have already tackled the more creative and thought-intensive work during that earlier period of my day. 

Nighttime Ritual

This part is still in the works. I’m trying to get out of the happy hour habit I’ve acquired through my consulting career, which was amplified during the pandemic. I have to think through how to best do this but I’ll usually spend this time reading a book, spending time with loved ones, taking a walk, making dinner, going to the movies, and sometimes watching television, although I’m not too big on that. 

Now, my nighttime ritual is fairly new. I’m making an after dinner tea like Valerian or Chamomile to slow my brain and body down. To romanticize this part of the day, I run a hot bubble bath in my garden tub, light a candle, and reflect on the day. I get into my body and relax. This is another opportunity to slather myself in lotion but with a more relaxing scent like lavender. I end the day with washing my face and brushing my teeth. This takes time too because it’s the reverse of my morning ritual and I don’t like to rush it. Lately, I’m also incorporating nighttime yoga, like Yoga Nidra, and breath work or meditation. 

As a oneirenaut, the quality of my sleep and dreams are just as important as how mindful and blissful I am in the daytime. By ritualizing these parts in my day, I feel more present, vibrant, and alive. I don’t feel like I’m just going through the motions of the day, being driven by the external world, or “living” life on auto-pilot. Of course, my routine changes a bit if I’m traveling, there’s a super early or late meeting with colleagues from other countries, or the workweek changes due to a holiday or vacation, but for the most part, I love the cycle of my days and nights when I make a point to ritialize and romanticize them. 

What do you do to ritualize and romanticize your life?

The Simple Life: Enjoying Blissful Little Pleasures

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How much of what we do in life is for other people vs. for ourselves? I’d posit that many of us make decisions based on what others expect from us and who they want us to be. I don’t advocate for living selfishly by any means. Being a part of a family, a community, a friend group, or a professional circle is critical to a fulfilling life, yet how easily do we lose our authentic selves in being everything to everyone else? Perhaps the fear of being outcasted causes us to shy away from sharing what we really think or what brings us joy. I couldn’t imagine a punishment more severe, except perhaps physical torment, than being forced into isolation or the psychological effects caused by being shunned for not conforming to a group’s values, beliefs, and ways of living. That being said, despite the social pressures to “be successful” in the traditional sense, if I were to look back on my life from my deathbed, would I have regretted not achieving certain milestones like graduating from college and getting an advanced degree, getting married and having children, rising in ranks in a reputable career and being recognized as a key contributor, or being financially capable of going on extravagant trips and experiencing the most luxurious things life has to offer? I do see value in those things, but not at at the expense of being able to enjoy life’s little pleasures. Here are a few of mine.

Idleness

I’ve learned that it’s actually a luxury to be bored. Having immigrated from the Philippines at a young age and seeing my mom and eldest brother, who served as my father figure, work at least two jobs at any given time instilled this strong, relentless work ethic in me. We never had much. We put a lot of time and effort into being able to afford anything we ever had. I never felt like we were lacking, but I did feel like hard work was always so central to our lives because we didn’t want to waste the opportunity we had to earn money and create a better life for ourselves compared to what would have been possible back home. I’ve carried this immigrant mentality into my life to the point where I found it actually quite difficult to “do nothing” over the past few years. Sitting still, focusing on my breath, and allowing my mind to be without thinking about everything I should or could do has been so peaceful. Not being in constant overdrive has healed my body and mind in a way I didn’t even think was necessary until I slowed down and enjoyed the silence.

Beauty

Each week, whether at the grocery store or the local farmer’s market, I pick up a bouquet of flowers. I do this not because I expect guests and want the house to look nice but because flowers are beautiful. They’re also ephemeral, which some might say is impractical because they’re going to die anyway. To me, beautiful things in life are fleeting, and there’s beauty in not just the peak but also the ascension and decay of any living thing. It reminds me that although society and the media have this unrealistic ideal that youthfulness equates with worth and beauty, there is beauty in the awkwardness of adolescence and the wrinkles we get from the life we’ve lived. I would be a hypocrite if I said I didn’t try to naturally take care of myself in a way that prolonged my youthful appearance, but I hope that as I age, I do so gracefully without feeling like my value is dwindling with each year beyond my best years. Who’s to say what years are the best anyway? It’s a Western concept that after a certain age, you are “over the hill” or there’s a downward trajectory from that point on. I love the Eastern perspective that sees beauty in the wisdom gained from old age. May I grow to become one of those wrinkly but happy old ladies.

The Mundane

I’ve always preferred independent films to big blockbuster movies. Same with books– I gravitate more towards books with day-to-day characters living life. There’s something cerebral about experiencing life from the perspective of an ordinary person going through the day, interacting with others, and observing life unfolding. Maybe that’s why I love Linklater’s Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, and After Midnight trilogy or J.D. Salinger books. Sure, life brings big adventures and dramatic experiences, but in between those high highs and low lows, there’s just today. Waking up to a new day, walking around the neighborhood, cozying up a good book, fixing up a delicious meal, watching the sun rise and set in awe, and having a little conversation with the people in our lives bring so much joy to me. As simple as those things are, they unveil the depth of complexity and wonder in my mind and soul. It reminds me that there’s so much going on inside of me. There’s an expansive world to explore there, too.

What brings you little pleasures in your life?