Tag: mindfulness

Ritualizing and Romanticising My Life

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It can be hard to get up in the morning. It can also be pretty challenging to stay asleep at night. I’ve shifted from a high-stress, demanding job to a slower-paced, deeper career, then to not having that at all. Despite my work-life balance or lack thereof, transitioning from sleep to wake and vice versa has always been challenging. To help ease the transitions between the day and night, I’ve begun to ritualize and romanticize each pivotal shift in energy that makes up waking and sleeping life. It’s truly helped a ton!

Morning Ritual

I make an effort not to open emails and social media first thing in the morning. I like to reflect on my dreams, at least the ones I can remember, and listen to my own voice rather than flooding my mind with whatever is going on in the outside world via my cell phone.

Instead of getting up immediately, I allow myself to lie in bed for a few minutes and in some cases, a few hours, upon waking. Why rush? My bed is so comfortable and I melt in it so in order to get me up, I turn on some music. This is a ritual that started in Abu Dhabi when I would listen to the same song every morning: Jenevieve’s Baby Powder, if you’re curious. It became Jack Harlow’s Loving On Me and then George Michael’s Father Figure. It changes every few weeks. That gets me into the shower and moving my body.

Getting ready used to take me an hour flat. Since I’ve adopted a more relaxed life, it’s now extended to an hour and a half or two hours. I put on my YouTube podcasts and slowly put on my make-up. This is where the romanticizing begins. It’s like I’m a French girl in front of her vanity mirror or a Geisha putting on her face and styling her hair in the morning. I take my time and enjoy little pleasures like an eye mask while I do my lashes and a guasha face massage as I moisturize my skin. Once I’ve blow dried and straightened my hair, I complete my morning ritual by slathering on my favorite scented body lotion, spritzing some perfume, and choosing an outfit that makes me feel good while reflecting my mood for the day. Being able to go through this routine every morning, while drinking my sugar-free Red Bull gets my day started just right.

Afternoon Ritual

The next daily ritual is lunch. I love a good meal so this is something I look forward to each day. I make a point to get out of the house and eat at one of my favorite local community spots. If I have the time, I venture out further for a specific dish I’m craving, like a banh mi from the best Vietnamese shop in Falls Church. This is another time when I can put on podcasts, blogs, or an audio book for my drive. These often inspire me to live and work in better ways, I learn a whole lot about a breadth of topics, and I’m able to think more creatively and innovatively because of the content I’m exposed to during these sessions.

To romanticize this, I eat slowly and savor every bite. I often enjoy dining with just myself because I can people watch and also be with my own thoughts. 

There are some days when I make a meal in my own kitchen and enjoy it by the window, looking out into the trees and sky. This is enjoyable too so I like to alternate and choose how I’d like to spend this time based on how I’m feeling that day.

I try to eat nutritiously, but often I make indulgent choices. The latter usually puts me in a bit of a food coma so work life is a bit slower in the afternoon. I try to knock out the easy stuff like answering emails, preparing presentations, or listening to webinars or online courses. If I had honored my morning ritual, I would have already tackled the more creative and thought-intensive work during that earlier period of my day. 

Nighttime Ritual

This part is still in the works. I’m trying to get out of the happy hour habit I’ve acquired through my consulting career, which was amplified during the pandemic. I have to think through how to best do this but I’ll usually spend this time reading a book, spending time with loved ones, taking a walk, making dinner, going to the movies, and sometimes watching television, although I’m not too big on that. 

Now, my nighttime ritual is fairly new. I’m making an after dinner tea like Valerian or Chamomile to slow my brain and body down. To romanticize this part of the day, I run a hot bubble bath in my garden tub, light a candle, and reflect on the day. I get into my body and relax. This is another opportunity to slather myself in lotion but with a more relaxing scent like lavender. I end the day with washing my face and brushing my teeth. This takes time too because it’s the reverse of my morning ritual and I don’t like to rush it. Lately, I’m also incorporating nighttime yoga, like Yoga Nidra, and breath work or meditation. 

As a oneirenaut, the quality of my sleep and dreams are just as important as how mindful and blissful I am in the daytime. By ritualizing these parts in my day, I feel more present, vibrant, and alive. I don’t feel like I’m just going through the motions of the day, being driven by the external world, or “living” life on auto-pilot. Of course, my routine changes a bit if I’m traveling, there’s a super early or late meeting with colleagues from other countries, or the workweek changes due to a holiday or vacation, but for the most part, I love the cycle of my days and nights when I make a point to ritialize and romanticize them. 

What do you do to ritualize and romanticize your life?

The Simple Life: Enjoying Blissful Little Pleasures

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How much of what we do in life is for other people vs. for ourselves? I’d posit that many of us make decisions based on what others expect from us and who they want us to be. I don’t advocate for living selfishly by any means. Being a part of a family, a community, a friend group, or a professional circle is critical to a fulfilling life, yet how easily do we lose our authentic selves in being everything to everyone else? Perhaps the fear of being outcasted causes us to shy away from sharing what we really think or what brings us joy. I couldn’t imagine a punishment more severe, except perhaps physical torment, than being forced into isolation or the psychological effects caused by being shunned for not conforming to a group’s values, beliefs, and ways of living. That being said, despite the social pressures to “be successful” in the traditional sense, if I were to look back on my life from my deathbed, would I have regretted not achieving certain milestones like graduating from college and getting an advanced degree, getting married and having children, rising in ranks in a reputable career and being recognized as a key contributor, or being financially capable of going on extravagant trips and experiencing the most luxurious things life has to offer? I do see value in those things, but not at at the expense of being able to enjoy life’s little pleasures. Here are a few of mine.

Idleness

I’ve learned that it’s actually a luxury to be bored. Having immigrated from the Philippines at a young age and seeing my mom and eldest brother, who served as my father figure, work at least two jobs at any given time instilled this strong, relentless work ethic in me. We never had much. We put a lot of time and effort into being able to afford anything we ever had. I never felt like we were lacking, but I did feel like hard work was always so central to our lives because we didn’t want to waste the opportunity we had to earn money and create a better life for ourselves compared to what would have been possible back home. I’ve carried this immigrant mentality into my life to the point where I found it actually quite difficult to “do nothing” over the past few years. Sitting still, focusing on my breath, and allowing my mind to be without thinking about everything I should or could do has been so peaceful. Not being in constant overdrive has healed my body and mind in a way I didn’t even think was necessary until I slowed down and enjoyed the silence.

Beauty

Each week, whether at the grocery store or the local farmer’s market, I pick up a bouquet of flowers. I do this not because I expect guests and want the house to look nice but because flowers are beautiful. They’re also ephemeral, which some might say is impractical because they’re going to die anyway. To me, beautiful things in life are fleeting, and there’s beauty in not just the peak but also the ascension and decay of any living thing. It reminds me that although society and the media have this unrealistic ideal that youthfulness equates with worth and beauty, there is beauty in the awkwardness of adolescence and the wrinkles we get from the life we’ve lived. I would be a hypocrite if I said I didn’t try to naturally take care of myself in a way that prolonged my youthful appearance, but I hope that as I age, I do so gracefully without feeling like my value is dwindling with each year beyond my best years. Who’s to say what years are the best anyway? It’s a Western concept that after a certain age, you are “over the hill” or there’s a downward trajectory from that point on. I love the Eastern perspective that sees beauty in the wisdom gained from old age. May I grow to become one of those wrinkly but happy old ladies.

The Mundane

I’ve always preferred independent films to big blockbuster movies. Same with books– I gravitate more towards books with day-to-day characters living life. There’s something cerebral about experiencing life from the perspective of an ordinary person going through the day, interacting with others, and observing life unfolding. Maybe that’s why I love Linklater’s Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, and After Midnight trilogy or J.D. Salinger books. Sure, life brings big adventures and dramatic experiences, but in between those high highs and low lows, there’s just today. Waking up to a new day, walking around the neighborhood, cozying up a good book, fixing up a delicious meal, watching the sun rise and set in awe, and having a little conversation with the people in our lives bring so much joy to me. As simple as those things are, they unveil the depth of complexity and wonder in my mind and soul. It reminds me that there’s so much going on inside of me. There’s an expansive world to explore there, too.

What brings you little pleasures in your life?