How much of what we do in life is for other people vs. for ourselves? I’d posit that many of us make decisions based on what others expect from us and who they want us to be. I don’t advocate for living selfishly by any means. Being a part of a family, a community, a friend group, or a professional circle is critical to a fulfilling life, yet how easily do we lose our authentic selves in being everything to everyone else? Perhaps the fear of being outcasted causes us to shy away from sharing what we really think or what brings us joy. I couldn’t imagine a punishment more severe, except perhaps physical torment, than being forced into isolation or the psychological effects caused by being shunned for not conforming to a group’s values, beliefs, and ways of living. That being said, despite the social pressures to “be successful” in the traditional sense, if I were to look back on my life from my deathbed, would I have regretted not achieving certain milestones like graduating from college and getting an advanced degree, getting married and having children, rising in ranks in a reputable career and being recognized as a key contributor, or being financially capable of going on extravagant trips and experiencing the most luxurious things life has to offer? I do see value in those things, but not at at the expense of being able to enjoy life’s little pleasures. Here are a few of mine.

Idleness

I’ve learned that it’s actually a luxury to be bored. Having immigrated from the Philippines at a young age and seeing my mom and eldest brother, who served as my father figure, work at least two jobs at any given time instilled this strong, relentless work ethic in me. We never had much. We put a lot of time and effort into being able to afford anything we ever had. I never felt like we were lacking, but I did feel like hard work was always so central to our lives because we didn’t want to waste the opportunity we had to earn money and create a better life for ourselves compared to what would have been possible back home. I’ve carried this immigrant mentality into my life to the point where I found it actually quite difficult to “do nothing” over the past few years. Sitting still, focusing on my breath, and allowing my mind to be without thinking about everything I should or could do has been so peaceful. Not being in constant overdrive has healed my body and mind in a way I didn’t even think was necessary until I slowed down and enjoyed the silence.

Beauty

Each week, whether at the grocery store or the local farmer’s market, I pick up a bouquet of flowers. I do this not because I expect guests and want the house to look nice but because flowers are beautiful. They’re also ephemeral, which some might say is impractical because they’re going to die anyway. To me, beautiful things in life are fleeting, and there’s beauty in not just the peak but also the ascension and decay of any living thing. It reminds me that although society and the media have this unrealistic ideal that youthfulness equates with worth and beauty, there is beauty in the awkwardness of adolescence and the wrinkles we get from the life we’ve lived. I would be a hypocrite if I said I didn’t try to naturally take care of myself in a way that prolonged my youthful appearance, but I hope that as I age, I do so gracefully without feeling like my value is dwindling with each year beyond my best years. Who’s to say what years are the best anyway? It’s a Western concept that after a certain age, you are “over the hill” or there’s a downward trajectory from that point on. I love the Eastern perspective that sees beauty in the wisdom gained from old age. May I grow to become one of those wrinkly but happy old ladies.

The Mundane

I’ve always preferred independent films to big blockbuster movies. Same with books– I gravitate more towards books with day-to-day characters living life. There’s something cerebral about experiencing life from the perspective of an ordinary person going through the day, interacting with others, and observing life unfolding. Maybe that’s why I love Linklater’s Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, and After Midnight trilogy or J.D. Salinger books. Sure, life brings big adventures and dramatic experiences, but in between those high highs and low lows, there’s just today. Waking up to a new day, walking around the neighborhood, cozying up a good book, fixing up a delicious meal, watching the sun rise and set in awe, and having a little conversation with the people in our lives bring so much joy to me. As simple as those things are, they unveil the depth of complexity and wonder in my mind and soul. It reminds me that there’s so much going on inside of me. There’s an expansive world to explore there, too.

What brings you little pleasures in your life?