When the pandemic hit the emergency “stop” button on life two years ago, all of a sudden, I had more time to myself. Prior to that, I worked incessantly. I commuted at least three hours per day, and given the time I had left when I wasn’t sleeping, I worked. When I wasn’t actually working, I thought about work. Capricorn much?

Work was exciting though. For a handful of years, I woke up every day excited and full of energy given how lucky I was to have such an amazing opportunity. I was building a company as a part of an executive leadership team, led a group of management consultants who are an absolute pleasure to work with in every way, advised clients from the most recognizable organizations in the world, and I was afforded the opportunity to study authentic leadership at Harvard Business School. I traveled the world eating at the best restaurants, flew first class to exotic destinations, and stayed at the most luxurious hotels. I felt like I had arrived and everything I worked so hard for was at my fingertips. Then, gradually, I started to “wake up” in a different state. Either things were changing outside of me, within me, or both. At that point, when I reflected on who I was and what I wanted out of life and work, I felt like something was missing. I’ve spent the past two years trying to figure it out because, by all standard measures of success, I had it made. 

All of my self-reflection led me to really see the woman in me who had been caged by corporate life, made to amuse myself by watching the shadows on the cave wall while shackled from seeing the bright light of the reality that was outside of my peripheral vision. As I explored myself further, I began to shed the parts of me that were only there because of someone else’s expectations of who I should be and what I should do. I began to see my true essence again. I became more sensitive to the energy I wanted to be around vs. the energy that repelled me. The former was life-enhancing, genuinely kind, and full of love. The latter was life-destroying, mean, fake, and fueled by fear and insecurity. I felt a tightness in my body when I was around negative energy that I had to protect myself from as if I was out in the wild. In contrast, I felt my heart open and my body relax when I was around positive energy that brought out my best self. My intuition and self-awareness have strengthened so much over the past few years that when I expressed, several months ago, that I had decided to walk away from the company I loved and helped build because it was no longer what was best for me, it was a quick yet unwaveringly clear and firm decision.

I knew what I didn’t want. As soon as I decided to leave, there was no turning back. I could only move forward. Over the past few months, I’ve been on a journey to discover who I am underneath the layers of other people’s perceptions and expectations of me. I’ve been in search of what I truly do want. I explored organizations and opportunities that were like and unlike what I’ve spent my entire career focused on as a management consultant and corporate leader. For me, I knew that moving forward wasn’t necessarily moving upwards but more inwards. 

In the dozens of conversations I had purely out of curiosity about other people and their work lives, the handful of interviews I engaged in, and the inner and outer exploration of myself, I finally decided to move forward with an opportunity to work for an organization helping developing countries in areas such as modernizing agriculture, economic stabilization, access to education, and protecting human and women’s rights. This pivot to a completely different world, especially the non-profit sector, is a significant change from what I’m used to however I believe that it’s a shift that brings me closer to who I truly am and I’m excited for all of the doors this new career will open for me. When deciding to head in this direction, as opposed to say big tech or some household name in business, the choice I made represents me as someone defined by the characteristics below. I hope these distinctions help bring you closer to a labor of love that allows you to be who you truly are and do what makes you feel alive. 

I am someone who is…

• Following my heart, not my ego. My heart knows that I feel most fulfilled when I’m doing something that allows me to really see and help people. It’s my ego driving when I’m making decisions based on what will increase my status or allow me to check off the boxes of success in a traditional Western sense.
• Finally prioritizing my health and well-being. This new life requires less grinding and wearing the burnout badge to demonstrate how much harder I can work than everyone else. I spend more time resting, having fun, spending quality time with loved ones, being creative artistically, and doing the things I love like having introspective conversations, reading books, writing in my journal, and thinking about big ideas. The income we make is merely a means to an end. For me, I care about having time and the freedom to spend that time focused on who and what I really care about.  
• Choosing balance and a slower and more intentional life/work pace that creates the space for me to be and become the person I want to be. I’m more in tune with myself when I’m being a kind-hearted, people-focused soul who improves people’s lives and experiences in a real and impactful way. My calendar which was once full of back-to-back meetings no longer defines me. I determine what’s on my calendar and design my work life accordingly to what will have the most impact, rather than what will allow me to accomplish more and more. 
• Focusing on the people I develop relationships with rather than the money I could make from connecting with them. Stepping away from pure sales and business development work allows me to really see people’s value rather than being forced to see them as merely an opportunity to grow my business. The corporate world has a way of making you believe that it’s okay, in fact in your best interest, to not get too close and personal with people in business but business people are humans at the end of the day. When I look back on life, I won’t be proud of the amount of money I made or the contracts I’ve won. I’ll be proud of the human connections I made, the people I truly saw for who they were, and the people who I loved and loved me. 
• Demonstrating a real interest in the big problems our world is facing. I look forward to going beyond expressing care and concern about the world’s problems and instead finding a way to actively help causes I care about like education and women’s/human rights. This lights a fire in me and it shows me who I can be in this world if I dedicate my time and efforts to things that matter. 
• Surrounding myself with people who want to change and improve the world. Beyond wanting to create positive change, I want to get to know people who have the courage to implement solutions. I’ve already gotten a glimpse at those who have chosen a more challenging path that may not pay as much as it should, but they still do the work and find purpose and meaning in it. I’m truly excited to be surrounded by people like this so that I can learn as much as possible from them and support them with their efforts. 
• Motivating myself rather than being motivated by praise or acceptance from someone in a position of power over me. I’m adamant about setting my own vision and being brave enough to do what I need to achieve it. It’s about carving my own path and bringing beauty, wisdom, and ingenuity into the world. They say, if you don’t decide which direction you’re heading, someone will surely decide for you. I will be making these decisions going forward. 
• A role model woman, Filipina, minority, and millennial. I’m tapping into what makes me unique and defining my own success rather than waiting for someone to tell me what success is and how to go about achieving it. These are different facets of me that I also share with others. We are all connected in different ways and I find meaning in tapping into those connections. 
• Being an authentic leader like my mom. I strive to be someone who cares for people whether they can give back anything in return. Similar to my mom, a midwife who brought life into this world whether people had the money to pay her for her services or not. She was a well-respected person in the community whose impact touched the lives of many people. That is the path I want to follow. 

This new chapter of my life is one marked by self-actualization. I want to really shine as the most expressive version of my true self while finding the silence and humility to focus on being this person, not only appearing like this person. Every choice I make going forward will be a reflection of who I really am and what I was meant to experience as a vibrant spirit living in a human body. As I turn the page to this new chapter, I wonder whether perhaps this is a whole new book altogether. 

Who are you when you’re at your best and how are you able to express that through the work that you do?