There are a lot of stereotypes out there about bad Asian drivers. For me, I’ll admit, it’s true. I’m not the best driver in the world and I blame it on the fact that I should be paying more attention than I often am while on the road. Dangerous, I know. But, I’m working on it! Last weekend, I decided to get a car wash. It was the first one for this particular vehicle which I invested in after I got rear-ended within a week of the new year starting. It’s a “smart” vehicle, meaning it has cameras and sensors all around it to literally take the wheel if I’m veering into the next lane, light up or beep if I’m getting too close to another car or pedestrian, and give me a birds-eye-view of my vehicle which eliminates any excuse I could ever have about being too small to see whether I’m double-parked. Anyhow, you should know by now that I love metaphors as a way of understanding and communicating about life. So, as my car freaked the F*#! out as it went through its very first car wash, it got me thinking about how driving a car is a lot like getting a handle on our mental states.

I wish I was cool enough to drive a stick, but besides that time my cousin let me drive his car in the neighborhood, I’ve always driven an automatic. In this blog, I’ll share my thoughts on how my car being in park, drive, auto-plot, reverse, and neutral correspond with choosing the right mental states given the current circumstance. Mastering both will not only help us better get from point A to point B but helps us to realize that being in control of our lives doesn’t always necessarily mean being the control freak that you are. Okay… that I am. 

PARK 

Especially recently, my vehicle has been in Park most of the time. Part of the reason I even got a Hybrid vehicle is because my previous lifestyle had me on the road driving to and from work or to see family and friends for about a handful of hours each day. My vehicle being in Park most of the time saves me gas, reduces the amount of time I have to spend on maintenance, and prolongs the lifespan of my car. Being in Park for way too long though may create challenges in starting the engine back up due to lack of use.  

This is the same when our minds are on chill mode. Maybe we’re watching a movie, scrolling on social media, or blacking out from having way too many cocktails at home. Having this much downtime was a dream come true when quarantine first started. Then, after a while, it got old and I started to think about better ways to spend my time. I couldn’t let life just pass me by and similar to having a vehicle with features that are meant for long, beautiful rides with its panoramic sunroof, off-roading capabilities, and bumpin’ speaker system, what good is a young, sharp mind if I don’t use it? I’m more conscious now of how much time I spend binge-watching Netflix vs. taking in life-enriching information through books, podcasts, and videos. Even if I physically can’t go to very many places, I can go on a wild journey internally and that has taken me so far in only a handful of months.

DRIVE 

Driving actually gets you places. But how often are we driving only to realize that we’ve gotten to our destination without even remembering the ride? Driving is best when it’s intentional and exploratory. You’re paying attention to the road but not hyper-vigilantly raging at someone who cut you off or is driving too slow. You’re feeling the petal underneath your foot and the steering wheel within your hands. Sometimes you know where you’re going and choose the most efficient route or if you have time, you take the scenic route. Other times, which I’ve done more so recently, you just drive and explore to see where the roads will take you.

Being in Drive mode is like when our mind is productive. Even though I’m on Zoom calls all day, I get a lot done. I set goals as my destinations and I work towards them. I’ve been working a lot, building and growing my business, and it’s been a blast being able to do so with colleagues that are as equally, sharp, driven, and fun to be around. Both in life and in my actual vehicle though, I have, at times, exhausted all my gas and before I knew it, I was on empty with no gas station around. It meant that I had to run on empty, scared that my vehicle would give out before I was able to find a way to replenish the energy I needed to complete the trip. The warning here is that productivity is important, but you will burn out if you’re not balancing going with being still.

AUTO-PILOT

Then, there’s auto-pilot. I don’t use auto-pilot much but I have used it on long trips. What’s great about my new vehicle is that once you set it, it’s actually smart enough to sense a vehicle ahead of it and slow down as needed. Traditional cars require you to see those vehicles to reset your auto-pilot speed or turn it off altogether. Auto-pilot is great because you can set it and forget it. But it’s always felt weird for me.

It feels awkward to go on auto-pilot at work and at home too. This goes back to being a control freak. As a leader in my organization, I have incredibly reliable team leaders and members. It feels fantastic when I’m able to keep my eyes on the road while plotting the overall journey and pit stops without having to worry about managing my speed, direction, or day-to-day operations. Auto-pilot is a great feature for vehicles and our mental states. It just takes a bit of getting used to and a little work for us to trust others and things outside of ourselves. Once you’re able to get used to it though, you realize it does work to let life run its course especially when you’ve set up mechanisms like auto-pay on credit cards or recurring home maintenance to take care of the stuff you shouldn’t have to spend precious mental energy on.

REVERSE 

Every vehicle allows you to go in reverse. Whether it’s to back out of your driveway or this one time where I found myself in the middle of the woods on a one-way road leading to nowhere, it’s a necessary feature of any car. It’s much harder to back out for me then it is to move forward, but I’ve gotten really good at backing into parking spaces in tight lots, which ultimately makes it easier to get out when the time comes.

Mentally, I do reflect on what’s happened but try my best to not overdo this. It’s important to learn from our mistakes but we shouldn’t dwell on them. Life also requires us to take a few steps back before we move forward so although we have this option, I suggest using it only when absolutely necessary and when it’ll make your life easier in the long run. 

NEUTRAL

Lastly, and I think most importantly, you can put your car in neutral. As I locked my wheels into the track for the car wash, the sign reminded me to put the car in neutral, take my foot off the gas, and let go of the steering wheel. This is always a slightly uncomfortable shift for both my vehicle and me because I’m used to being in control. I know, however, that by taking the wheel, I could really mess up my rims and also defeat the whole purpose of the car wash. Even though my car was sounding the alarm as all of the sensors were being triggered by all of the machinery necessary to wash it, I had to let go and let it do its thing. At the end of the car wash, everything was okay and my car was cleaner than ever. 

Car washes are like detox or meditation. You have to do it. The rain may help to wash away some debris the same way taking a little break might help us to get our energy back, but regularly taking the time to really clear out the junk in our minds is so important. Meditation comes in many forms and the types I prefer most are the simplest ones. You don’t have to stop thinking altogether or force yourself not to be distracted by other thoughts and sounds around you. You just close your eyes and observe without judgment. Listen to ambient noises, allow thoughts to come and then let them go, and you take your foot off the gas by just breathing and being.

It is so mentally rejuvenating to not be driving or be driven. One of my favorite books that has allowed me to more comfortably get into the neutral state is the Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. It reminds me that regardless of what I do, life and the universe are infinitely flowing and by realizing that ultimately, I’m not in control, I can get to where I’m headed with the least resistance and it’s absolutely liberating. 

What are you doing to be more mindful of your mental states?